My Many Blessings 10.29.16

Tonight, after a very long and upsetting day yesterday, I have overcome two days worth of sadness and the sneaking monster that is depression. Things have happened that have brought me so far down; I had slumped to the lowest of lows and I'm glad that I have climbed back up to the top of the mountain.

I hate feeling like I did yesterday. Helplessness is not an attractive trait to possess, no matter what Eliza Hamilton says in my favorite musical. Feeling like you're drowning while you're walking on land is one of the worst feelings in the entire world. It is especially bad when you cannot seem to drag your way out of the pit by yourself.

Luckily, I am surrounded by some of the very best. I don't have to struggle through things alone, and even without expressing my woes directly, these people always seem to pull me out of the depths that try to stop me and ruin my happiness. These people are just a glimpse into the support system that I have around me, and I felt like I needed to thank them personally for their roles in my life.

To everyone reading who is mentioned, I am extremely thankful for your shining lights in my life. You all make me feel complete and at ease, and calm down my anxious, worrisome mind. You are my many blessings. If any of you ever need a thing, never hesitate to contact me. I would do just about anything for you wonderful people.

~

I am blessed to have people like Bethany in my life, who will meet me at a ballgame in Huntington and cheer my brother on with me for a piece of time because she knows I miss her. 

We may not agree on everything, but you're the best and you know I love you and always want you to have the best and not settle. You will always be my Glinda, I will always be your Elphie, and I don't care how far away one of us goes- you're still my best friend.

I want to get matching custom tattoos, be cliche best friends into adulthood, and continue to share memories even though we're far apart again. You and I have discovered who we are in the last few years, more with each other than without, and I wouldn't have had it any differently.

You're awesome. Be a grown up. Don't let people tell you that you're still young and immature.

You lack maturity in some things, but in other things you are wise beyond years and know what you want. Don't let anything (or anyone) stand in your way anymore.

You're inimitable, dude. Live life that way.

~

I am blessed to have people like Madison, who will talk to me for hours on end about everything under the sun. She holds appreciation for the smallest of things, and I'm proud to call her one of my best friends. She understands the value in poetry, books, good television shows, and friendship. She is my tiny friend- 

I love you small friend.

You have made my life good in the short time I have known you. I am looking forward to a lifetime of sharing good books and good movies with you.

You are a wonderful and talented young lady. You are going to grow into an even more exceptional woman. Do not let anyone extinguish your light, especially when they aren't even intelligent enough to pinpoint the beginning of the flame. Live your life for you, and to the fullest.

Dance in hallways. Sing at the top of your lungs. Be outspoken.

You do you- the world will follow.

~
I am blessed to have people like Kaitlyn in my life, too. Though she is many miles away, she never hesitates to answer a call or text, and always has time to talk. We build each other up, we share our struggles and ambitions, and we text an unlawful amount of memes back and forth on the daily. 

Thank you for walking into my life four years ago. I love you. I cherish your friendship on a daily basis.

We have had our rough spots, but we also understand each other from perspectives that no other people will ever grasp. You are many times an anchor that keeps me from flying away with my crazy mind. Your wisdom into things is... unmatchable. People who take you for granted are disgusting, and you should never waste time with people who cannot appreciate the extent of your brain. 
~

I am blessed by my mother, who despises being called "mother." She is my mom. She is the shield and sword that defend me day in and day out, despite adulthood. I call her for good conversations. I tell her all of my dreams, and I am thankful every day that she is different than any other parents I have met in my life. She makes me feel like all of the power and determination I have are able to be focused and put forth in an awesome way. I owe myself to her, all of my talents and gifts, because she has nurtured them in me for 18 years and some womb time. 

I love ya, mom! Our inside jokes, our looks that mimic each other, and our ability to sense when something is wrong with the other... I wouldn't trade your companionship for anything in this entire world. I will never be able to thank God enough for making you my mother.

...Bible. ;) 
~

I am blessed by Pat. He's an extraordinary human being. I have become smarter because of him. His intelligent humor is somehow rubbing off on me, which makes me incredibly sarcastic in an educated way and I love it. Between he and my mom, I have become a walking block of sarcasm. Pat challenges me to think: to learn new things in ways that I never imagine. His quirky computer-based lifestyle makes my life interesting, as there seems to never be a moment when he isn't furthering his knowledge on one topic or another. I love him for this- for his desire to absorb as much knowledge as possible in everything. 

I know that sometimes our friendship feels hard, and I know that I miss you more and more as these months drag on, but you are my person. I am very thankful that you are my person. I am particularly thankful that you love me at my very best, and at my very worst. 

You are sunlight in a world of shadows. Remember that always. :)

~

I am blessed by my dear friend Hayley. She has taught me that adulthood is sometimes not what you dream it will be, and that's okay. I have learned how hard life can be on good people, and I have shared those experiences with her to build her up and encourage her. She's an astounding mother, and people who say otherwise are stupid.

I love you, girl. I love our dinner-and-movie days when we get out of class. I love holding Wesley; even when he cries, even when he throws up on me... I still adore him. He's got a strong person to look up to in the future.

I'm proud of you every day. You are going to go places- great places. Stop doubting your abilities, stop letting guys and family get you down for irrelevant reasons, and just fly.

~

I am blessed by you guys. 

You people that I may not know that well, but that care enough to click on and read my blog.

People like RaJon and Jada, who follow my blog and give me positive feedback. In the last month, I have considered taking down my blog and giving up on it. You guys have kept me writing. 

People who live across the world, and accidentally stumble across my blog through Twitter or Facebook. You guys don't know me from Adam, but yet, you're still here. Reading. Providing new statistics on my dashboard that uplift the writer in my soul, and nurture her capabilities. 

I could not keep myself writing without your support, so thanks a million.

People like my Fright Nights family, my coworkers from various places, the people that I have met over the summer that now influence my every day life. You are all members of my extended family, and I am eternally indebted to you for how incredible you make me feel.

~

At the lowest of lows, I can turn to this blog and the people who follow it, and you guys always seem to catch me. You are the ones I do this for. I love to write; I know I've said it a million times! 

But, 

You guys are the ones that keep me doing it. 

You make me push through writers block and keep going.

Each and every one of you is significant to me, whether I know you or not.

And to those of you that I do know, thought not well I'll admit, you guys inspire me to no end. As long as I have people like you, eager to read whatever it is I have to stand up for or share, then I will never give up on what I desire to be.

Thank you all for standing for something with me.

I am so blessed. 
So blessed. 

Even on the days when it feels like my world is shattering, caving in, or falling to my feet- I have people to turn to. I have an infinite number of blank pages to fill up, and at least a small following of people who care what I have to say.

I am grateful.

My heart is with all of you.

I just felt like many of you needed to be reminded that you are so very sensational. Eccentric and unorthodox, not traditional, world changing people that I am proud to call my friends, acquaintances, and readers.

I love you all so, so SO much. I will never-not-be at a loss for words about how much you guys keep me going and make me feel like I am someone.

Stay wonderful. All of you.

various people I love in one picture. :)

-Tori W. :) <3

"Too Ambitious" 10.27.16

Hi. 

I'm really tired of hearing those two words, you guys. [see title, lol] 

Yes, I like school. I love going to class and writing papers. I love staying up until 4am for no good reason, and then waking up an hour before class to do my homework. 

Registering for classes, I knew that I didn't want to take any less than 18 hours next semester because I enjoy feeling challenged. Presently, I'm registered for 19 hours. Two of my classes have labs. All of my classes are evening and night courses, because guess what? 

I got hired again. I start in two weeks, and I'm really excited about it. 
But, because of having a job, I have to place my classes strategically around it. 

Not complaining though. I'm excited about having an income, and an educational income. What's the point of not doing anything? Why do people and parents genuinely not want their kids/teens/selves to not be successful in working and in school?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. I'm really freaking ambitious. I've been told on and off this week that I'm beyond my years and not at all like the rest of my peers. (Thank you older classmates, who make me feel like a real adult and not a lost little teenager in a world of adults.) 

I'm taking a lot of hours, attempting to maintain my scholarships, and working. 
So please refrain from telling me that I'm "too" ambitious. 

No. I am excited and terrified and confused and I really need to find my groove and I'm going to do that next semester by working and learning as much as I possibly can. I don't care if my brain feels like it's going to explode with information- I want to further myself as a student and as a professional adult. 

I am really freaking ambitious, okay?
Deal with it. 
Stop putting me and the other really ambitious people down for our dreams, ideas, and hard work. Just because you aren't willing to work for something, doesn't mean that we aren't.

I'm ambitious about teaching, education, journalism, blogging, human rights (especially LGBTQ, BLM, and women's rights), and especially this blog. 

I may not share your ambition about other things, or even your drive for small things, but these are my special things. Don't squash me like a bug because you are a bug. 

~

I don't have time for silly shenanigans or stuff like that. I'm just ready to get this show on the road. 

Today has been hellish in some ways, and reminded me that I need to work hard to get past all of the bad things dragging me, others, and my family down. I'm tired of doing without, foregoing plans, and worrying all the freaking time about things. 
I plan on doing my very best to overcome all of these things, and start to make a better life for my family and myself. 

I'm also happily in a relationship, in case I haven't told you guys. I have been for a long while now, but have refrained from discussing it online for personal reasons. If you know who he is, then good. Be happy for me and all that jazz. If you don't, well, you could probably do some digging and figure it out pretty easily. He is a wonderful young man, and he makes my life really good.

Life right now is just unbalanced and I'm struggling to figure out the purpose of things that happen. 

Personally, my family is trying to buy a house right now, and we need my car and the family car fixed. I think that both of them require something pertaining to breaks...? I'm not 100% sure. I don't speak car that well these days. 

I spend my free time watching YouTube and hanging out with Hayley and (not so little) baby Wes. Dinner and a movie with them once or twice a week helps me catch my breath and realize that I do have escapes from the craziness of the world if I need them. They have become an integrated part of my family, and I'm thankful to have them around. 

Sometimes I really miss my friends that are way too far away, like Kaitlyn and Bethany, but I know that they're having the time of their lives. 

Bethany is living the life; she's at Marshall University and texted me today about renting a puppy for $2. Currently counting down weeks until the semester is over and we can go pace our local mall, window shopping for Christmas gifts for each other and our respective families. 

Kaitlyn is rocking at life right now in pre-med classes. (I'm the friend that sucks and math and science, but these guys are pretty good at it so- good for them!) She also works at a cute lil store, and met the love of her life (I'm joking, I'm joking... mostly.) in the line to early vote today. She's in college down in North Carolina. 

I just feel like life is changing, rapidly. Every single day it just seems to speed up faster and faster, and right now I'm overwhelmed a bit. 

Send your good vibes, and nice prayers my direction please. My family could use them. Going into the holiday season here soon will be no easier than it has been the last two years. Loss is somehow always a present thing in your mind when life is hard, so on top of everyday struggles, we have these wonderful grieving pains that never go away. 

~ 

I love you guys. Thank you for reading me to 6,000 reads. 

This blog has never been about the reads, though. I just want to hold out my hand to help people who might be struggling right now, or succeeding unapologetically right now.

We really need to start building each other up, ladies and gentlemen. No more of this tearing each other down all the time garbage. 

-Tori :)

p.s. Let's not talk about politics anymore until after the election, okay? I'm voting for A. Ham. Hands down, lol. I've given up on the politics of the 21st century. Let's go back. Please? Someone? Anyone? 

p.p.s. I'm officially double majoring! Woo! 

p.p.p.s. I'm working on a painting for my art class, and it's the most exciting thing I've ever gotten to do in the arts. It's challenging me to no end. I'll share it in a post when it's finished. It's a recreation of a recreation by Andy Warhol. *sigh* I'm so happy with how it's turning out. 

A Modern Day Abolitionist

Today in society, men and women who are raped, assaulted, and harassed are often made into laughing stocks and judged based on their actions and dress. 

This is a very vile and disgusting thing for society to do. There is no excuse for any amount of sexual abuse or neglect in any way, shape, form, or fashion. 

Every day, statistically speaking, 68 women are raped.

In America, 1 in 33 men will sexually assault a woman in his lifetime. 

People like Brock Turner are given a slap on the wrist, and told to "just behave better" next time. He was more known for the fact that his swimming reputation was ruined than the fact that he brutally attacked and raped a young woman. His father blamed the victim. 

People like to blame the victims all the time these days, saying that their shorts are too short, or their bra straps were provoking the man to act in such a way. 

If a woman is drunk or unconscious when a man rapes her, inevitably in court she will be asked how drunk she was when it happened. 

Thankfully in America, many states have now created laws that prevent the level of intoxication of a woman or man from influencing their stories in the cases of rape. Unconscious sexual assault is still sexual assault. 

What about the 173 children that are raped every day? What were they doing wrong? 

Were the little boys being to feminine? 

Were the little girls wearing nightgowns that were too short? 

(If you think that these statements are crazy, good. These are things that people have genuinely said to children of sexual assault. Right before they accused them of lying, right before the cases were closed.) 

Also- consent. Consent is the MOST IMPORTANT part of sexual behavior and expression. 

Consent is when you say, heck yes or hell no to whatever sexual act is in the balance of being performed. 

Consent > High heels, provocative attitudes and clothing, alcohol, a woman's attitude, makeup, showing shoulders, choice of literature, choice of music, etc. etc.

It does not matter if a man/woman loves to shake his/her behind to some racy music at the club- that does not give a man the right to rape him/her in a bathroom.

It doesn't matter if a woman loves to read scandalous material, you have no right to call her vile names at work or online.

It doesn't matter if a woman likes to wear shorts and tank tops in the summer because it's hot, that doesn't give you a right to catcall or rape her.

Rape culture needs to be abolished.

Young men being raised to believe that young women LIVE and BREATHE to maintain their purity for the soul purpose of pleasing them, need to go.

People who judge other people by ONLY the measure of their purity, need to go.

People who believe that expression of sexuality bids the action of rape, need to go.

People who think that gay people need to be raped by heterosexual people, need to go.

People who catcall women or men, slap their butts, grab them obscenely, pinch them inappropriately, or any other uncalled for physical behavior, need to go.

People who excuse sexual harassment because "some women buy books" or "some men view porn" or other reasons need to go. (Sexual interest does not negate sexual harassment or sexual abuse!)

People that believe that a rape victim becomes the wrongdoer if she terminates the pregnancy that resulted of her rape, need to go.

People that blame the victim, need to go.

I KNOW that this is an unpopular opinion, and I am TERRIFIED that this is an unpopular opinion.

I know too many people who have been sexually abused, assaulted, harassed, etc. because somebody else told them that they were "asking for it."

There is no such thing as "asking for it."

My friends and I could be stark naked, walking down the street, and not asking for it. 

In the words of Amber Rose, "If I’m laying down with a man — butt-naked — and his condom is on, and I say, ‘You know what? No. I don’t want to do this. I changed my mind,’ that means no. That means f-ing no. That’s it."

Rape is rape. Period.

Sexual assault is sexual assault. Period.

Sexual harassment is sexual harassment. Period.

Stop giving excuses for men and women who try to justify their sexual misconduct.

A young woman should not be taught to cover up her body because it might arouse a fellow classmate or her teacher. Teaching her to be ashamed of her body also teaches her that if someone takes advantage of her, that they have the right to blame it on what she was wearing. 

Stop trying to make rape culture the real culture. 

There are people like me who have the gall to speak out against it, who have not experienced the worst firsthand, and then there are the others. The victims. 

-The ones that live in silent fear that their abuser is going to figure out where they live. 

-The ones that cry over and over, traumatized and left to suffer in silence. 

-The wife that cannot even withstand the touch of her husband, thanks to a man that ruined any pleasure associated with sex. 

-The young women and men who struggle to find work, because they've left jobs thanks to people who can't keep their mouths right or their hands off of them. 

-The girls whose rape kits will never be opened or sent off. 

-The transgendered young man brutally attacked by a bunch of other men because someone thought that he needed to be taught a lesson. 

-The girl who lives in fear of the family member that raped her, because she knows that no one will believe her if she comes forward about it. 

-The girl in California right this minute who is scared out of her mind because her rapist got let out of a 6 month prison sentence 3 months early on GOOD BEHAVIOR. 

The worst part about it though? Is that society is not willing to stand up for these young men and women who have been through hell. 

Yes- men and women! 

1 in 10 rape victims? Are male. 

Men get blamed more than women do for being raped. Many are afraid to even come forward. They are told that they should've enjoyed it, and emasculated because they dared to come forward and tell someone what had been done.

Society needs to stand up. 

No more using religion, socioeconomic status, talent, academic status, race, gender, gender identity, sexuality, or anything else excuse rape for anything other than what it is.

Rape is rape. 

&It's about time people started seeing it that way.

Picture courtesy of DumbSainthood from ChangeFromWithin.org