#Words

Hi guys. 
I wasn't gonna write today, and I knew I wasn't going to write yesterday. I had nothing to write about. I decided that I'd just wait for inspiration to come and give you guys a day or two off from hearing my ranting and such. 
Haha. Haha. 
Well. I changed my mind. 
So hello, loves. 
Did ya miss me?

~ 

Getting right to business then, today it's all about words.
Spoken words, to be exact. 

In middle school, I got bullied a lot. Anyone remember that old saying,

"Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words can never hurt you?"

I do. My mom changed the words to it. 
Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will break your heart. 
...And broken does my heart ever feel right now. 
Not cliché boy-broken, just a little out of sorts because of some things that people have really disheartened me about. 

Right now I am just massively annoyed with how carelessly words are thrown around. 

People make promises left and right, but never have any intention of keeping them. Their words are emptier than a used can of non-perishable green beans. They say things to please your ear, but never have intentions of following through with their actions. They deceive you in kindness, and you're left standing in the wake of the worst kind of aftershock there is. 

If you are an acquaintance of mine, or a close friend, you've heard how much I can't stand it when people don't keep their word. Not keeping your word is just as bad as breaking a promise. My philosophy is that if you don't intend on following through with it? Don't bother saying it. 

The Bible says that life and death are in the power of the tongue. (Proverbs 18:21) 
If you throw words around carelessly, you'll face the consequences. 
(Just in case any of you like Bible backed up stuff.)
I've done it too. I'm no saint, I've probably said something and not followed through. Here lately though, I've been trying diligently to watch what comes out of my mouth. (Some change is good, you know. Not all change terrifies me.) 

But seriously. 
Words are powerful. 
Words can be beautiful.
But words can hurt. 
Really,
Really,
Really bad. 

I'm really tired of people who lie. 
I'm fed up with people who don't keep their word. 
I just want something genuine in my life. 
I want role models who aren't going to destroy my hopes and dreams anymore. 
I want role models who inspire and mentor and lead. 

It's not even completely about what I want to be honest. 
I've seen more of my friends go through hell (pardon the expression) over something that someone's said about them than anything else. They've been hurt. They've been crushed. They've been mega shoved into a world of depression, self-harm, anxiety, and just daydreaming about suicide. 

I. Am. So. Sick. Of. Demeaning. Words. 

WHY CAN YOU PEOPLE NOT JUST BE NICE?! 
Why is it that if something doesn't suit your idea of how it should be, that you shut it down completely?! 
No matter what you've already said to someone- there's always something that could take precedent and annul everything you've already said/promised. 
It shouldn't be that way. 
Stop it. Please stop it. 

At least three times this week, people have literally just taken a mallet and taken some swings at my heart. You guys know that things I enjoy doing make up who I am. Gifts that I've been given (i.e. singing, writing...) define who I am. They build me up. They give me confidence and happiness. 

~

Man, it only takes one person to take a swing at that for it to make me stumble. 

What these people don't get is how much I actually strive towards things. I work hard. I practice things I like, and try to achieve the best I can. 

To be quite honest with you, I don't suck at most of the things that sometimes I think I do. 
I have confidence, not cockiness, confidence. 
I know what I'm capable of, and my knowledge (unlike my emotions; working on that one) is not subjective to the environment around me.

So what exactly am I talking about? I'm talking about my capabilities to write and to sing. 

Let me tell you something, I have been writing since I was in the second grade. By writing, I mean literal stories that were ten notebook-paper pages long. I wrote all the time. Around third grade, I began journaling. It was a way to keep my head straight amidst all of the discord in my little eight year old world. I now have three and a half journals completely filled in. At almost seventeen, journaling is still something that I try to do at least two or three times a month. For Christmas, my friend Bethany got me a Doctor Who journal, and Patrick got me this really pretty pink and purple pastel journal with a quote on the front of it. (...This is how you know that I'm a writer.) My writing challenges grammatical rules, and I'm sure that it steps on toes sometimes. 
I remember the first time I ever started writing stories. My nana (my gifted teacher at the time) wasn't at school one day and our assignment was to write a story. 
And write a story I did. 
It was probably 30 pages long when I quit working on it around two weeks later. I kept up with it for years. It's probably in my scrapbooking stuff ('cause y'all know I love to scrapbook), and if I ever come across it again, I will reminisce will glee. 
Because guess what! I know I'm a good writer now. 
(Thank you to those who keep telling me I'm such a good writer...it means a lot!!!) 

Now. My singing originated from somewhere else. I've told you guys like, four times, how much I love to sing and swing. I told you how my grandad planted the seed for this hobby of mine. It wasn't just swinging, though. He sang all the time. In the car, in the kitchen, in the living room, in the store... He bought me my first iPods and my iPhones and I grew up listening to things like Nat King Cole and The Platters. He and my nana both liked the Beatles. (Nana also quoted John Lennon towards the end of her life, "Life is what happens when you're busy making plans." Everyone else was taken aback by the statement, I just realized how much they didn't actually know about her.) I also had one of those little plastic microphones that everyone had as a little kid in the 90s. It was red and blue, and I'm pretty sure that I took that thing everywhere. There is a video somewhere in existence of me singing the 'I Love You' song from Barney when I was three with my grandad. 
What I'm trying to say is, I've been singing my whole life. I was raised in it. My mom and dad sang in the choir at church, and when I moved to North Carolina chorus was immediately established as my favorite class. We took it seriously. I made it into things that I never imagined I would, including getting the lead role in a musical we did my eighth grade year. I moved back here, and joined a choir at my current school that no one really takes seriously. It's the definition of a bird course. (Sister Act 2 reference, woo!) Most people in it are freshman who just needed an art credit. I groan internally as I write this. However, some of them have surprised me and started singing out more. I think that maybe they were intimidated at first, and that my teacher was so disrespectful to them that it almost extinguished that flame of possibly wanting to sing. 
As for me, I know I can sing. 

~

Right now, my flame is flickering fast and hot. 
(Peope describe passion as "burning," and I never quite got that until now.)
It's also floating on a raft in the middle of a raging ocean during a tsunami. 
But I promise you, it won't go out again. 

I'm done with lies and discouragement. 
I'm done with:
"You aren't!" 
"You can't"
"You won't!" 
Done. 
D-o-n-e. 
For good. 

This lying nonsense is where I'm drawing the line. I'm tired of people hiding things from me. (I mean things that involve me, not secrets in general.) I'm tired of people saying they'll do things and then not. I'm tired of people dashing my hopes and dreams just because someone made them bitter. You ain't gonna turn me bitter, honey. Stop trying. 

But seriously! It's like I'm not their little prima-donna, so I can't have a place. I haven't been to all of these prestigious schools and classes, nor been on stage (or so they think) enough to have a place or a say so. It's just like I don't even matter. This annoys me. Have you guys never seen Phantom of the Opera? The song? Where this professedly humble woman (who is by no means humble at all) is convinced that she must leave because no one wants to see her. So then the managers of the opera house tell her that "the world wants her" and she slyly manuvers her way back onto the stage, even though she claimed that she didn't want to do it anymore. 

You don't like me? Cool. You don't want me to be in a place? Then don't tell me that you do. Seriously. Don't. 
And guys, with the exception of four of you (and you know who you guys are) please don't drop your ill-morals and lies onto me. This is me telling you to stop. Now. I love each and every one of you, but I do not have a degree in psychology or a license to be a psychiatrist. Some people I am just close to in a way that I can share things with, and they know that they can tell me everything. This isn't about them. This isn't about trust. This is, if you're going to diss my close friends to me, then I quite frankly don't want to hear anything that spews out of your mouth. Keep it shut. 

Words are not to be taken lightly, and I'm done taking them lightly. 
You got something to say to someone? Go say it to them, not to me. 
If you're lying to someone about something? Don't tell it to me in confidence, because I can no longer bear this weight of walking around feeling like a liar because I have to withhold things hurting people I love because I can't betray someone's trust. 
Just stop it, okay? 
It wouldn't kill you guys to tell the truth, in fact, you're more likely to die from the guilt of lying. 
If it's guilt you're lacking, then you may just need to re-evaluate a lot of things in your life. 
#JustSaying

~

In honor of 1k, you're welcome for this outrageously long post. 
And to clear this up, I'm not upset, I'm just driven. 
This is also my longest post so far (yay me!), but you guys deserve it for how faithful you are to me in reading. 

I love you guys, even though I'm a tad bit frustrated, I still love you guys. 
Talk to you tomorrow because tomorrow is FRIDAY. :D 

Love always, 
-OnlyMeJustT <3

#ThesisStatement

Today is the worst second Monday I've had in weeks. 
Actually, I'm having a pretty good day to be honest with you. 
Let me just tell you that Trig got 150% better today, because my teacher put a speaker in the drop ceiling of our classroom and had the Journey Pandora station playing. 
Then at some point it got changed to Johnny Cash which is also perfectly fine with me.
:D

~

Topic time! 
Today in English we got to talking about thesis statements. (Granted this is the millionth time I've heard about thesis statements, because I've probably written at least 100 essays for school.) 

It got me thinking about what a thesis statement really is. 
Wikipedia defines a thesis statement as a sentence that appears at the end of the first paragraph of an essay. It outlines what your paper is going to be about, and then you spend the rest of your paper explaining your thesis. 
My teacher used the word roadmap.

So if we have a thesis statement for a paper, couldn't we have a thesis statement for life?
No seriously. 
Think about it for a second. 

A thesis is usually written to analyze and explain something, to prove something. 
So if you're living your life for something, and are immensely passionate about it, then you'll start out your goals with a plan. 
Plan = thesis. 
Then your entire life will be the body paragraphs of an essay, and your mission (should you choose to accept it, lol) is your thesis statement. 

Haha. I did a thing. 
No, but really. This just made my day all analytical and stuff. 
I'll be a Senior in high school in less than 50 days, and literally all anyone cares about is what you're "planning to do with your life."
<See quote from a particular movie about vampires and werewolves in which a character makes a Valedictorian speech and answers that question for all of us.> 

So sit and ask yourself what you're already doing with your life. Just because you're a teenager doesn't mean that you can't already be playing an active role in society. Everyone thinks that graduating and coming of-age is some exponential rite of passage, when really, why not already do what you wanna do? 

Want to be a teacher? Find out if you can job-shadow or pick up some basic college classes so that the process will go faster. 

Want to be a musician? Get all of the audition experience you can possibly get. Practice whenever you have free time. Perform for your friends, sign up to perform in church (if you go to church), volunteer to help with local musical events (whether you get to perform or not, it's worth being around people who professionally do what you aspire to do), and stuff like that. 

I want to be a writer. 
That's what I've wanted to be since I was in the second grade, and what I want to be now. 
I want to be a journalist. 
I want to be good enough to write in New York. 
But I also want to write novels, poems, and short stories. 
I want to have an influence on the world that is great. 
I want to be the domino that starts the domino effect. 
I plan on doing that through writing. 
As you can see, I'm well into the metaphorical first paragraph of my thesis paper. 

Yes, I want to be a writer. 

But guess what?

I am already a writer. :)

This blogging journey on Wattpad has been a massive one so far. I mean, people at school ask me when I'm going to update because they can't wait to hear what I have to say next. I'm sure I have massively offended a few people (oops) but oh well. If I offend you, I am sorry that you are offended, but not that I offended you. Maybe I've challenged your thoughts or opinions. That's what I'm trying to do. (Quite frankly, most of y'all wouldn't read this if I didn't throw out some challenging ideas/opinions.) 

Like I always say (literally, ask anyone), you can't know what you believe in until you understand what you don't. 
I once won an argument for an Atheist, and then turned around and beat him in an argument as a Christian ('cause that's what I am.) He was astounded and has respected my beliefs ever since that day. All because, I wasn't ignorant to the things that I didn't believe in. 

This who idea though of setting thesis like goals has me so excited! 

My history teacher is the one who taught me how to write a strong thesis statement. I had APUSH (Advanced Placement United States History) and so much of that was learning how to write a strong essay. 

Granted, english essays and history essays have some distinct differences.

I think my thesis is gonna be a history one, though. 
Mostly because I am all about leaving my mark on history. 
I want to have a great legacy. I want to be remembered, and I want my children to have the hope to set the goals in life that they want without anyone shutting them down. I will teach my children to dream, and to dream with havoc. To set their mind to something, and to not give up until they attain that goal. 
(I totally sound like Augustus Waters right now. If you don't know who that is, then you really need to read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Awesome book.)

History Essay: Have a thesis, pick a setting, be opinionated, back it up, be professional about it, and love the constructive criticism. Sound like me? Yep. That's what I thought. 

~

Aside from my thesis ranting today, let me just brag on the fact that it was like, 36 degrees when I caught the bus this morning. I was gonna wear a dress today and ended up wearing sweatpants. 

Not that I regret that though, because my choir teacher is bent on making us sit on the risers and not in a chair even if we're wearing a skirt. 
Mildly irritating. 
Not too-too bad, though. 

I'll wear a dress before the week is out. Probably tomorrow, considering that I have youth group (WOO!) and that I really want to sing. 
We've been having this massive revival at my church and it has lasted longer than originally intended. That's okay, though. The preacher reminds me of my grandad in a lot of ways. He's opinionated, he's loud, he steps on people's toes, and he is super sarcastic. At first I didn't like him, but as he preaches on, I realize just how much he knows what he's talking about. He's been through so much to get here to talk to us, and I personally think that he should he respected and commended for his time and effort. 
God has just really shown up at my church. 
But I really am looking forward to Chosen (my youth group.) Bethany is tagging along this week, which is always fun. We've been fluxuating between 20-30 people for the past month or so, and I think it'd be amazing to see us outgrow our youth room. 
Like I said, God has just massively shown up. It's been wonderful. It's been life changing for some, and life-saving for others. 

Still praying to sing tomorrow night. 
If I can't sing at school, then by golly I'll sing at church. 
Amen? 
Haha. You can so tell that I've been to revival a lot here recently. 

~ 

Thank you guys so much. 
Literally, I'm sure I say this every time I write, but thank you. 
1.1k is something I never thought of. I never thought anyone would recognize me, or click on a link, or be thrilled to see words I come up with dance across a paper...
Thank you Jesus that I was wrong! 

You guys have brought me so much hope. 
I'd snatch you all up and hug you if I could. 

I love you guys. 
Thank you for inspiring me. 
So glad that you guys are becoming the supporting details to this thesis paper of life that we are all living. 
It means the world and more to me. 

You guys also got me to #133 in nonfiction. 
That's the highest I've ever been! 

God bless you guys. 
Talk soon, mmkay?
-OnlyMeJustT(:

#Abuse

Hi loves!

So last night I was derping around on here, and realized that this blog was ranked #189 in Non-Fiction. 

Holy freaking moly. 

That's just... 

Insane. 

Today it is at #445. 

(Probably because I haven't updated in two days, lol. But still!) 

Out of thousands of stories I've made it this high up. 

*VICTORY SCREECH!* 

Okay, before I tackle today's topic, I have a PSA!

PSA FOR PEOPLE WHO ATTEND MY SCHOOL AND READ THIS BLOG: 

Listen up, guys. 

I don't have any problem with you guys reading this, and I am very well aware that it isn't anonymous. 

In fact, I like it when you guys read it. The more the merrier. 

But please, don't comment on it. 

Unless you are directly mentioned (which will always be with permission from you), or referenced to directly (again, with permission ahead of time), then please just don't comment at all. 

This is my safe place, my special place to express my own opinions. 

Quite frankly? I don't care particularly about what your opinion happens to be. 

You guys know me, I don't mean this with any disrespect...

BUT

This is my bubble, my safe haven. 

This place is about me and my beliefs and what I think, and a way for me to express them to you guys. It brings me joy. Please don't ruin that. 

I understand that we are each entitled to an opinion, and when I want interaction of an opinion with someone I know, I'll post on Facebook.

Anyways, just wanted to share this.

Thank you.

:)

~

That aside, my topic today is kind of deep. I don't know how to begin, so let's start here. 

<TRIGGER WARNING: TALKING ABOUT DOMESTIC ABUSE!>

I have some friends who have parents divorced because of abuse.

I have friends that are in/have been in foster programs because of abuse. 

& I currently have friends in abusive situations directly pertaining to them and not as involved with parents or their guardians.

Abuse, according to Webster, is improper treatment of someone; physically, emotionally, or mentally. 

Let me just say to you now that abuse comes in all shapes and sizes. 

Just because he/she hasn't hit you, doesn't mean that he hasn't abused you. 

Abuse is a lot more than a punch. 

It can be a shove, 

"Oh my god, you're such a... (insert profanity here!)"

It can be an accusation,

It can be an advantage taken, 

It can be pressure to do things,

It can be physical, 

It can be verbal, 

It can be an accusation of cheating, 

It's when a girl/boy takes your phone and deletes things because he/she is insecure and has to know that you aren't cheating on them,

It's threats, 

It's "you can't go there because I said so,"

It's "you can't talk to them because I said so,"

It's seclusion,

and it isn't good and if you think that you're in an abusive relationship or you're afraid? Please get help as soon as possible. Run away from it. I don't care how much you "love" someone. There is a line, and sometimes it's crossed. 

I feel like people in my age group so long to be loved that they will literally do anything to feel special. People thing that love is the only component to a relationship, and it isn't. You have to have trust, communication, and above everything else? Respect. 

Respect for yourself, respect for each other, and respect for you other friendships while you're in this relationship. You don't throw away your self respect for someone. 

Another big thing in relationships, is consent. I mean, down to the smallest detail. When people think consent, they always immediately think of sex. Well, you need consent for that too, but you also need consent for small things. Kissing and hugging are both physical things that you need to have consent for. 

I haven't been in a relationship for a few months now, and I look at back at times that I've been in a relationship and can honestly say that at first? I was a control freak. I was a drama queen. I always wanted it my way. 

Now? Man, I literally can't stand it when people do that. It's probably one of my biggest pet peeves. There's a difference between clingy and attached, and for some people *raises hand* that can be hard to decipher between sometimes. The difference is that clingy people are always bothering their boyfriend or girlfriend about where they are; attached people are willingly keeping up with where each other are just because they enjoy sharing experiences with each other. 

Relationships are a way to show how much you care for someone, but if you aren't careful, they can begin to rule your life in an unhealthy and destructive way. 

If you are less than twenty years old and in a long-term relationship, congratulations. Now here's a word of advice: if your significant other is constantly cursing at you, degrading you, going through your phone, or physically attacking you (shoving, pushing, punching, slapping, blocking, etc.)? Then you need out. You need out of that. It isn't safe, nor is it healthy.

I don't care how much you love someone. If they don't respect you? Then you need to break it off and run. You need to seek help, and tell someone. You especially need to seek professional help (law enforcement) if your health, safety, or life have been threatened or are compromised.

Nothing is worth losing yourself over.

People will try to tell you that it's all your fault.

You'll think that you need to be a better contributor to your relationship.

Even if you break up with this person, if they even tell you that they'll try to change, you'll believe them without hesitation and rekindle the fire. Then, when you guys are official again and the butterflies have worn off? The person will go right back to their old words and actions. 

Don't tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about here, because I promise that I do. I have given this talk to people who have had each and every single thing I just mentioned happen to them. 

Some have listened, and some haven't. 

If this is you? I am begging you to listen. For your own good, please listen. 

If you ever need help, call this number. 

It's the National Domestic Abuse hotline... They'll talk to you and direct you on how to get help. 

1-800-799-7233 

Calling local law enforcement is also a wise idea, and if this is an emergency, please dial 911. 

<3

~

I just wanted to say this today. 

It's pressing on my heart and mind. 

Guys, don't ever be afraid to get away from someone who is hurting you. I know it may seem tremulous and overwhelming, but please get help. Don't give up who you are for how you think love ought to be. If he hurts you, in any way, then he certainly doesn't love you. 

I'll probably have a fun topic up tomorrow, but we shall say. It depends on a lot of things. Stay tuned! 

Thank you all so much for the reads and the love. 

I'm almost at 900 (which means that after this entry and my next, that I might hit 1k and it's all thanks to you guys!) 

By the way... It's Friday as I'm writing this (to the tune of Fall Out Boy, just in case you wanted to know, lol), so have an epically awesome Friday or whatever day is next when you read this. 

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO SO SOOOO MUCH!

-T :)

Panic at the...?

Hi guys. 

Today is massively irritating to me because of my stupid anxiety disorder. 
Imagine sitting in class and being completely fine, and then freaking out for no flippin' reason. That was how my morning started. It constricts your breathing, makes you stress out over nothing, and sometimes causes insane bouts of crying. At least with me that's how it typically goes. 
Not fun. Not fun at all. 

I'm rather annoyed with myself over this, too. Especially for a Monday. 
Stupid anxiety. >_< 

What makes it worse is when I have a teacher who has "declared war on cellphones" and I can't text my mom during class. (Hang up your arguments about how texting in class is disrespectful- she gave birth to me, she can contact me whenever she very well pleases.) She's also one of my best friends, so they can deal with it^2. 

Anyways. Yeah. 

Today is just getting on my last nerve. 
This is gonna turn into a ranting entry now. 
No promises for big words or proper usages of words. 
Sorry, you don't have to read it if you don't want to. 

Lemme just start with my chorus class. 
I'm currently a 1st Soprano, and over the years I've been an Alto 1&2, and a Soprano 1&2. 
I made All County Chorus in middle school. It was the single best singing experience of my entire life. 
In class we're doing an a capella spiritual, and my teacher added a high B to the end of the song. 
I'm one of the ones who got to sing it.
Or at least I was until today. 
Look, to be honest, I don't know if I can carry a tune in a bucket. Singing just happens to be something that I'm passionate about. I wanna sing in choir, and I wanna sing in my youth group. Lately though, I've been super discouraged about singing at all. 
*shrug* 

Now moving on to Links, which is my second block class...
I asked to go to the restroom before class, and my teacher granted me permission. 
Well, when I came back...
My class was gone. 
Okay. Anxiety levels already through the roof, I started freaking out. 
The secretary didn't know where my class had gone, nor did the librarian, nor did the counselor, nor did the school test coordinator. 
(Lol, way to go guys!)
I start walking around aimlessly, trying to find my class. Thank God that I saw my friend in the hallway. She pointed me in the right direction and sent me on my way. 
I went in, got a call from my mom, walked out, talked to mom, went back in, and tried to calm down. 
Meanwhile, mom was trying to call the nurse (it took her 15 tries, thank you so much my darling high school) to come check on me. I go to the nurse after class, she and the secretary are both very uptight with me, and then I talk to the nurse. She didn't exactly take me seriously, but that's alright too. 

I got out of class to go talk to my friend Erica in English because I was just messed up. 
She probably understands me the best out of anyone right now, though.
Well, her and Jordan. 
And Alissa. 
Thanks for putting up with me today, guys. :) 

I'm still messed up, to be honest. 
My anxiety is so annoying. 
Just pray that I don't get upset today. I don't wanna have an anxiety attack. At least not while I'm at school.

You know, I told one of my teachers that I have a disorder or whatever (mostly so he wouldn't call me out in class today to answer something), and he rolled his eyes at me. 
Rolled his eyes at me. 
*sigh*
Ignorance, yo. ✌🏼

I haven't been to psychology yet, today. It will, hopefully, make my day far better. Unless we're still talking about psychological [mental] disorders. Haha, I may crack up if we are. 

On top of that, I'm stressed over some stuff that I'm not gonna blog about. 
If you wanna know, then text me. 
If you don't have my number, you don't know me well enough to understand what's bothering me. 
But if you wanna private message me anyways, that'd be cool too. 

I just really don't wanna be at school today. 
I cannot focus. I cannot think. 
Writing is helping. Knowing that you guys are gonna read this is helping. 
My Trig class is not helping in any way. 
I mean, I like Trig just fine (I'd spell out the word, but they turned my autocorrect on my iPad off because I use my school iPad to blog on), but I just can't today.

It's just like everyone wants to either argue or to talk about prom. I can live through the rest of the day without doing either of those things. My little brother has his first baseball game to night (I'm 98% sure) and I am soooo excited for him. He's such a talented kid. (So what he's almost 14? He'll always be a kid to me!) I hope he gets to play tonight, and I pray that they win. They deserve it. 

~ 

Anyways, sorry that I'm all over the place today guys. 
& I'm sorry that this entry probably wasn't as long as you'd hoped it would be. 

One last think before I go...
THANK YOU FOR 1K!!! 
I AM SO AHSJFNIEJNEJCMNEO OVER THIS. 
I really am happy about this, though. 
Here's to many more! 
Hope that I'm inspiring you guys somehow, too. I don't do this to hear myself talk, or for the reads. I do this because I am a writer and it's something that I love to do. 

<3 
-T

Bragging Rights: Jordan :)

Hello everyone! 

'Tis finally Wednesday, and you guys know how much I love Wednesdays. 
Tonight is different, though. I don't have youth group. 

But I still get to sing tonight! 

We've been having this holy-roller revival at my church, and so I'm on choir duty tonight. 

I like singing, but I wish that it was taken far more seriously than it is. 
At my school, the band director (also the choir teacher) is very ignorant when it comes to singing and music in general. 
He gets on my nerves, to be quite honest. 
I've always taken music seriously, and to have even music dumbed down? *sigh* 
To be expected of my high school, at this point. 
At church? More or less the same. Slightly more complicated, but a similar situation. 

~

We got report cards today, and I have finally dragged up my GPA to a 4.0 again. Major accomplishment to me, and after this term? It'll be back to where oldschool Tori's grades were. :) 

I dunno... Sometimes I feel like I've changed so much. Not necessarily good or bad, but just changed. I'm a whole lot different now than I was last year, or Freshman year... 

Am I gonna change again when I turn 17? It's terrifying. 
Change is usually uncomfortable for people... Well, at least it is for me. I enjoy being set in my ways about certain things. That's why new schedules every term make me anxious. I like my teachers and knowing who I have lunch/class with every day. Not knowing for like, 2 days? That doesn't fly with me. 

~

I'm gonna brag a little bit today about my best friend! 
#YesTheGayOne, lol :) 

[I'm going to start doing these little segments for different people, and calling them "Bragging Rights."
I always tend to talk about my friends, so I'm going to introduce them to you from my point of view. That way, you'll know more about them than just their name. It may sound weird, but I take pride in my friends and how much they've done for me. I'm blessed. Hopefully me telling you about them will bless you too in some way!]

Anyways......

Jordan is like, freaking amazing. 
I moved to the apartment complex that he lived at back in 7th grade, but we didn't really become friends. In fact? I thought he was weird. (Well, he is weird, but you know what I mean.) 

I didn't really know him all that well. He ran around pretending and playing along with his little brothers, and I watched him sometimes. (Don't think he knows this... Surprise.)

Not gonna lie, I was an uppity little girl the summer before 7th grade... But I envied them and their freedom to pretend. I felt like I had to act like a grown-up, and only pretended in the privacy of my house with my Barbies or baby dolls. 

Anywho, I knew of Jordan all throughout 7th grade. A close friend of mine at the time had "crushed" on him before, so she told me bits and pieces about him. 

The first day of 8th grade, I walked into class and saw two open seats at his table. (One seat was already taken.) I went and sat down beside of him, and we started talking. 

Thank God that we haven't stopped talking since. 

We had a huge argument, though... Over dumb kid stuff, now that I look back on it. 

So happy we got through all of that. *claps profusely for little us getting over ourselves* 

Towards the end of the 8th grade (don't laugh at me, mmkay? I'll poke you in the face with a fork.), Jordan and I dated. He was also my date to the first formal dance we ever went to, and it was awesome. 

By this point, we were close. 
9th grade was just the icing on the cake. We started texting all the time, and had a lot of classes together. 

Aaaaand then Tori moved. 

We texted constantly. He was always on the other end of the phone for me when I needed him, and it felt wonderful to have a friend so seriously in tune with me.

I remember when he finally came out to me. (I think I was the last friend that he told.) 

He casually made a comment,
I casually made another comment,
We both let out the breath we were holding,
And that was that. 

(Whether I believe in it or not makes no difference... Jordan is my bestest friend. I will love him forever no matter his decisions. Just throwing that out there, y'all.) 

We can go without texting sometimes, but I don't like to anymore. I enjoy talking to him, even those typical pious conversations that go, "How was your day? How's life? What's up?" 
Buuuut usually it isn't like that. 
Usually when we text it's in long paragraphs and rants. Never a dull moment. :) 

I chose Jordan because he's my boo thang. He's my closest friend (with the exception of P, but we'll talk about him another day) and I literally love him so much that even this entry isn't enough to tell him that. 

He has helped me through countless situations, stuck by me even when I drove him crazy, and isn't a hugger with most people but has hugged me. (Be jealous all you peasants unworthy of a Jordan hug... KIDDING. KIDDING.) 

I haven't seen him in literal years. Heard his voice 3-4 times, but not enough. Never enough. 

Jordan has seriously always been there for me. Even if we disagree, he's there for me. On my darkest days, he makes me laugh and stuff. 

...plus we like to share our drama with one another. 

...we are very dramatic people. 

...deal with it or deal with us. 

*snaps sassily* 
(which is ironic because I can't snap worth anything) 

Oh, by the way...
I still think he's weird,
Really weird, 
But I wouldn't have it any other way. 

~

Anyways. Hope you guys like this idea! I love it so much. I finally get to tell you guys specifics about my friends. ^_^ 

Also... 

Y'all read this thing over 100 times in 24 hours. 

I hit 800 reads,

with a mallet,

in the face. 

I'm still at a loss for words that you guys read this...but thank every single one of you who do. 

Every read, every person, and every vote literally means so much to me. I cannot say that enough. 

I'm sending all of the love in the world to you guys as I go and get ready for church tonight...

Forever & always, 
-OnlyMeJustT <3