As many of you know, I am
quite fond of the Broadway production "Wicked." It's one of my
favorite things to sing, watch, read about, and tell other people about.
The basic plot follows a
question: are people born wicked?
Now, if we're personal
friends on Facebook, you know that I speculated about the title of this post. I
enjoy word play, and almost entitled it "The Wicked Witch Way." To
be honest, both titles fit this post. My point is, there’s definitely
a reason that I speculated.
Over the past couple of
years, I have encountered people, situations, deprecations, hysteria, chaos,
and the literal representations of all things not good. Not
necessarily bad- but definitely far from good.
I have met people that are
wonderful when you meet them, but inside, it’s quite the opposite of that. I’m
going to assume that a lot of people think this about me too, but at least I
straight up tell some people that I’m mean. Well, not mean, but honest. I don’t
like facades—just be real with me.
Anyways, these encounters
happened in unlikely places. See, I expected to meet people like that in
school, but not in places like church, and certainly not within the confines of
my own family. I stand back and look at events and situations that played out
in different ways, and I kind of laugh.
The other day, a situation
occurred (which is sort of still happening, I guess, technically) with a family
member and I didn’t appreciate it in the slightest. Let me be frank here, some
members of my family don’t understand feminism. Not the male members, female members. That makes me really
sad, because there are definitely wonderful epic things that every woman is
capable of, and to demerit your own sex is well, unfair.
Well, said family member
brought up someone that I mentioned in probably my first or second blog post
ever. I have a namesake, if you guys didn’t know that. (Yeah, two Victoria’s,
scary right?) I go by Tori for many reasons.
Nobody calls me Vicky. There on occasion have been one or two people that were
allowed to do that, but it was always an incredibly close friend that had my
spoken permission.
I am Tori. My name in full means victorious, which here recently, I
think fully embodies who I am as a person.
There are many personal
reasons why I resent the name Vicky, one of which closely pertains to the death
of my nana. Another reason would be a Nickelodeon based redheaded babysitter
nicknamed icky-Vicky. It took my 3rd
grade class less than a hot minute to figure out that was how to tease me.
Which low key sucked, but you know, it happened.
Between those two particular individuals, I've learned how much I do stand on my own two feet. An older family member of mine (who happens to be one of these two people- go figure!) told me that I need to befriend some guys before I go to college to protect myself.
To. Protect. Myself.
Oh my goodness! Just buy me a can of mace/pepper spray and send me on my merry way. I am incredibly independent and more than capable.
I'm not bragging, but I AM establishing. My life in college will not be me running back and forth between home and college because I miss my mom too much to stay away.
(However, I will visit my mother often, because she is undoubtedly one of my best friends.)
Women need to stop tearing other women down. Just have faith in our freaking sex, for once in history, just let go of the masculinity > femininity thing. I have friends that could take down a guy or two if they needed to. In fact, I could probably do the same.
Between those two particular individuals, I've learned how much I do stand on my own two feet. An older family member of mine (who happens to be one of these two people- go figure!) told me that I need to befriend some guys before I go to college to protect myself.
To. Protect. Myself.
Oh my goodness! Just buy me a can of mace/pepper spray and send me on my merry way. I am incredibly independent and more than capable.
I'm not bragging, but I AM establishing. My life in college will not be me running back and forth between home and college because I miss my mom too much to stay away.
(However, I will visit my mother often, because she is undoubtedly one of my best friends.)
Women need to stop tearing other women down. Just have faith in our freaking sex, for once in history, just let go of the masculinity > femininity thing. I have friends that could take down a guy or two if they needed to. In fact, I could probably do the same.
Anyways, back to the main topic here, over the last few months in particular, I realize that people adapt differently to certain situations.
A lot of times, bad things turn people into bad people.
My mom and I have this saying:
“Hurt people, hurt people.”
It simply means that more
times than not, people hurting on the inside take out their anguish on other
people. However, I have met people that truly find joy in making other people
feel like crap. Whether it’s in a vengeful way, or just because they disagree
with the person, people in general tend to giggle when bad things happen to
someone they don’t like. (Guilty as charged, I’ll admit to doing it myself a
time or two.)
So I guess people do have
a mean nature about them, but mean and wicked are two different things. Mean is
like, taking a candy from a baby to eat it. Wicked is taking candy from a baby
and jumping up and down on it so that it becomes inedible for the child. Your intentions kind of define whether or not you're wicked or just kind of mean.
I think that some people that I've encountered recently in life have the cruelest of intentions. Honestly? I could give you a play-by-play of the last 2 years and you'd be able to spot very quickly the people that have an agenda that isn't the kindest.
Somewhere in this post I may arrive at a point, but I just need to establish something. People choose to act the way that they act. People are mean, wicked, evil, kind, intelligent, nice, compassionate, and everything else because they choose to be that way. Your character is insurmountably your own choice. It isn't something you can blame on someone else.
I think that some people that I've encountered recently in life have the cruelest of intentions. Honestly? I could give you a play-by-play of the last 2 years and you'd be able to spot very quickly the people that have an agenda that isn't the kindest.
Somewhere in this post I may arrive at a point, but I just need to establish something. People choose to act the way that they act. People are mean, wicked, evil, kind, intelligent, nice, compassionate, and everything else because they choose to be that way. Your character is insurmountably your own choice. It isn't something you can blame on someone else.
Wickedness (which by the way is defined as having the intention or capability to hurt someone or something) is definitely something you choose.
The other night, I was left in tears just thinking about my nana and circumstances that surrounded her passing. Some people had no regard for her passing, and as I've matured recently, I've learned not to make excuses for those people.
In a show I watch, one character often says that "family doesn't end in blood."
I agree far more now than I did when I first heard a quote of that context.
My family was always kind of close, extended and all. Holidays would consist of a lot of food, games, stories, songs, and presents. At the upper end of grandchild age scale, I noticed tension more than the others. But, as the only granddaughter, I was left out of a lot of things (camping, fishing, football games, baseball, swimming, movies, etc.) Little girls just couldn't keep up with little boys. My mom and dad have always believed otherwise (thanks guys!)
Now? Most of my family members are either dead and in the ground or dead to each other.
It's pretty sad actually.
My immediate family (hi again guys!) isn't like that at all, though.
Yeah, sometimes we fight, but we don't leave when things suck.
The rest of my family is obsessed with walking away from arguments or blaming other people.
Certain members of my family are obsessed with making everyone else in the family hate each other.
It has become quite entertaining to me, as they don't have much room to comment on anyones lives, but they do it despite their lack of space.
I guess that at one point, when these people were stirring up drama around the time that I lost my grandparents, it hurt.
Crazy as it may seem, it doesn't hurt anymore. Sometimes I'll cry over things if they directly pertain to nana, just because my emotions overcome me a lot these days.
But- I'm done crying over wicked people. Quite a waste of tears.
(Now, a side note: Some of my extended family members are the bomb.com. I have 2 or 3 uncles on both sides that are liberal and kind of awesome and I feel like I need to establish this. They definitely should know who they are. They have a lot to do with my mental ability to think and speak for myself.)
~
Off of the family topic for now, and onto one that is... Haha. Haha.
Everyone knows that I've had a problem recently with more than one person in my age group. Let's be honest here, there are a lot of people that I'm leaving in high school.
Adulthood is lurking into my life a lot faster than I expected it to. As an unlicensed 17 year old, I lack some freedoms that my friends are used to having. Now, creeping closer to what seems like a source of unlimited freedom, I smile.
There's a particular group of people that I finally feel free from, and you have no idea how liberating it feels. Maybe it's because I haven't gone to church in months (with the exception of Easter, hello, I have become that person), or maybe it's because I've learned how great life can be.
Some people might think that sounds sickening. Actually? Learning how much my faith holds strong in my life without having to be around a congregation of hypocrites (not all churches are this, in fact, the church I visited for Easter was wonderful) every single Sunday. I admire the Christian faith, and I love Jesus more than anything in this world, but some people are just doing it plum wrong.
Anyways... Freedom is honestly a wonderful thing to feel. Graduating high school, passing a college class, tackling a couple of AP exams... I know that I'm not legendary. However, I am a gifted writer that despite not being in the top 25 in the class, is in the top 50. I'm very okay with that. It's satisfying. I have happily earned everything up to now, and look forward to what accomplishments my future brings.
("Raise a glass to freedom..." -Hamilton. Sorry. Had to!)
~
Well, I think I've stepped on enough toes. I'd hand out bandaids with some of my posts, if it were possible. Someone invent literal holographs and make that possible for me.
This week has just been... Revealing and confirming.
On a couple of other notes:
-I'm obsessed with Hamilton. Just saying. It's a work of art.
-My dad has to have triple bypass surgery in the near future.
-I'm happily employed! I am so looking forward to this summer and all it holds for me as far as that goes.
So, say a prayer or two for my family if you do that. If you don't, please just keep us in your thoughts as we head into the next few months. We aren't afraid, but we are a little bit apprehensive.
I love you guys, thanks for taking time to read.
Happy Memorial Day!
-Tori :)
p.s. In less than a month, you guys have brought me from 4,000 reads to less than 300 away from 5,000. That's kind of insane. Sometimes I get writers block and wonder why I do this, but you guys remind me more often than not to not waste this God-given talent.
p.p.s. To the girl that told me that I inspire her- thank you! You made my week! I always love to hear from people, and that was kind of a first. At least- the first in a long time. It's people like you that keep me typing.
The other night, I was left in tears just thinking about my nana and circumstances that surrounded her passing. Some people had no regard for her passing, and as I've matured recently, I've learned not to make excuses for those people.
In a show I watch, one character often says that "family doesn't end in blood."
I agree far more now than I did when I first heard a quote of that context.
My family was always kind of close, extended and all. Holidays would consist of a lot of food, games, stories, songs, and presents. At the upper end of grandchild age scale, I noticed tension more than the others. But, as the only granddaughter, I was left out of a lot of things (camping, fishing, football games, baseball, swimming, movies, etc.) Little girls just couldn't keep up with little boys. My mom and dad have always believed otherwise (thanks guys!)
Now? Most of my family members are either dead and in the ground or dead to each other.
It's pretty sad actually.
My immediate family (hi again guys!) isn't like that at all, though.
Yeah, sometimes we fight, but we don't leave when things suck.
The rest of my family is obsessed with walking away from arguments or blaming other people.
Certain members of my family are obsessed with making everyone else in the family hate each other.
It has become quite entertaining to me, as they don't have much room to comment on anyones lives, but they do it despite their lack of space.
I guess that at one point, when these people were stirring up drama around the time that I lost my grandparents, it hurt.
Crazy as it may seem, it doesn't hurt anymore. Sometimes I'll cry over things if they directly pertain to nana, just because my emotions overcome me a lot these days.
But- I'm done crying over wicked people. Quite a waste of tears.
(Now, a side note: Some of my extended family members are the bomb.com. I have 2 or 3 uncles on both sides that are liberal and kind of awesome and I feel like I need to establish this. They definitely should know who they are. They have a lot to do with my mental ability to think and speak for myself.)
~
Off of the family topic for now, and onto one that is... Haha. Haha.
Everyone knows that I've had a problem recently with more than one person in my age group. Let's be honest here, there are a lot of people that I'm leaving in high school.
Adulthood is lurking into my life a lot faster than I expected it to. As an unlicensed 17 year old, I lack some freedoms that my friends are used to having. Now, creeping closer to what seems like a source of unlimited freedom, I smile.
There's a particular group of people that I finally feel free from, and you have no idea how liberating it feels. Maybe it's because I haven't gone to church in months (with the exception of Easter, hello, I have become that person), or maybe it's because I've learned how great life can be.
Some people might think that sounds sickening. Actually? Learning how much my faith holds strong in my life without having to be around a congregation of hypocrites (not all churches are this, in fact, the church I visited for Easter was wonderful) every single Sunday. I admire the Christian faith, and I love Jesus more than anything in this world, but some people are just doing it plum wrong.
Anyways... Freedom is honestly a wonderful thing to feel. Graduating high school, passing a college class, tackling a couple of AP exams... I know that I'm not legendary. However, I am a gifted writer that despite not being in the top 25 in the class, is in the top 50. I'm very okay with that. It's satisfying. I have happily earned everything up to now, and look forward to what accomplishments my future brings.
("Raise a glass to freedom..." -Hamilton. Sorry. Had to!)
~
Well, I think I've stepped on enough toes. I'd hand out bandaids with some of my posts, if it were possible. Someone invent literal holographs and make that possible for me.
This week has just been... Revealing and confirming.
On a couple of other notes:
-I'm obsessed with Hamilton. Just saying. It's a work of art.
-My dad has to have triple bypass surgery in the near future.
-I'm happily employed! I am so looking forward to this summer and all it holds for me as far as that goes.
So, say a prayer or two for my family if you do that. If you don't, please just keep us in your thoughts as we head into the next few months. We aren't afraid, but we are a little bit apprehensive.
I love you guys, thanks for taking time to read.
Happy Memorial Day!
-Tori :)
p.s. In less than a month, you guys have brought me from 4,000 reads to less than 300 away from 5,000. That's kind of insane. Sometimes I get writers block and wonder why I do this, but you guys remind me more often than not to not waste this God-given talent.
p.p.s. To the girl that told me that I inspire her- thank you! You made my week! I always love to hear from people, and that was kind of a first. At least- the first in a long time. It's people like you that keep me typing.