Beverly Lewis Book Signing 9.16.15

Hi everybody.

Lemme tell you, this weekend has been a long one. 

Actually, this school year has been a long one. But as of right now, I am a straight A student, historian of the YLA group in our school, and so ready to book it out of high school. 

I mean, for once in my life I actually like school. I just wish that I was privy to other things that most senior girls have. It's taking everything in me to raise enough money to pay for all of my testing and my cap and gown for this year. 

Not complaining though. I have this awesome new job! (In which I got the beautiful task of making 30 cheeseburgers for last time I worked...) 

There are really good aspects in my life, and really irritating ones right now. I'm equally balanced, so it's okay. I guess. Maybe. I just miss being five, and that's where I'll leave that. I need an imaginary friend to talk to right now, and I blatantly remember why I made them up in the first place. 
(S/o to Trudy, who was the real MVP imaginary friend back in the day! &To Shirley, who my granddaddy favored.)

~

On a different note, I got to meet one of my all time favorite authors this week. Beverly Lewis. For those of you who don't know, she writes Amish romances and grew up in Lancaster, PA. 

I got to meet her, and I got to tell her about my nana. Nana is the one who introduced her books to us, and I would've given anything to have had her there with us yesterday. She would've loved it. 

We got there early, and by the time we left, we knew pretty much everyone in the room. They served us apple cider and fresh baked cookies (straight out of Beverly's Amish Cookbook), and then lined us up. I was third in line. I've never been third in line for anything, not even in the lunch-line in school.

I told her about my blog, and I told her that I write. I fought tears through the part about my nana, and she cried along with my mom. 

All I have to say is that Heaven better have some libraries up there. I know that nana was with us, in a way that I can't explain. I got a book signed that she gave to me, and I got a hand squeeze from my favorite author in her honor. Thank you God for that amazing opportunity that I got to spend with my mom. We had so much fun, but I know that we both left in tears. Both clutching books that I know will bring us hope for many years to come.

I secretly went through the list of books that nana kept after she read them, and found the Beverly Lewis books. It was something special that I did today after school, because for some reason, nana's writing is just as important as the signature in the front of the two books that I possess. 

You know, I fell as though my life is currently in this season of melancholy, but I absolutely hate it. In past experiences, dwelling on the negative and basking in the feeling was so pathetic but I loved it. The sad songs, the sappy movies; all of it. Right now though, I could really do without it. The grief that I hide behind my songs, my books, and my acting? If you guys could see it... Wow. 

Pushing through all of this junk is just something I have to do. And God help me through it. Literally.

Anyways, this wasn't very long, but I just had to tell you guys about the book signing. It was so wonderful. I won't forget it as long as I live. She also told me that next we meet, she hopes that we are exchanging books.

...:)

~

Anyways, I'm going to finish watching the GOP debate and posting sarcastic comments on Facebook revolving around how most of these idiots probably can't even spell the word "Constitution." 

Love you all,
-Tori 

p.s. I entered my first ever essay competition... Wish me luck!!! 

Pepperoni Rolls, Journalism, and THE CHURCH :-)

Hi guys...

I feel like I need to write more, but I've literally been so busy. Levels of busy that I didn't know that I could actually be.

(@ senior year, thanks a lot, lol)

I don't really have a topic today. I'm just going to talk to you guys, if that's alright.

Today just feels immensely weighted to me. I am literally so irritable that I offend myself. My friends are basically so consumed with their own lives (which isn't a bad thing) that they don't have time for me. Also, I'm sat here wondering about who I can actually even consider a friend.

I did something today that I haven't done outright in months; I sat and just cried. For how long I do not recall, but I just sat and cried. I'm going to blame the pepperoni rolls that we had at school today for lunch on my emotional instability.

Why am I blaming a poor defenseless food? There's kind of a reason behind it, I guess.
In all the years that my nana taught school, she took her lunch. However, there was a blatant exception to this rule... Pepperoni roll day. It was literally her favorite school lunch of all time.

So today, I sat and suppressed tears as I ate my lunch. Nobody knew, I'm not sure that anyone would've cared, but I cared. Grief hits me like a train, sometimes. It isn't fair, and it's massively inconvenient, but I'm only human. I called my mom during lunch just to talk to because I was so sad.

#lame. I realize. I just really miss her sometimes. I really miss them all sometimes.

Anyways, aside from that I guess I had an alright day. My AP Lit class is gradually getting easier, my BiologyII class is generally easy, and AP Gov. is turning me into liberal garbage. It's teaching me to question everything that I've ever been taught, and to formulate my own opinions and ideas about things that I've always just kind of ignored.

Kinda fun, if you ask me.

I also filled out my first college application, and I really need to sign up to go tour the campuses of my three choice schools. One is small, and the other two are really big. All of them are universities. I'm probably going to end up applying to UNC too, just for the heck of it. Schools that offer broad communication programs and Journalism schools are really what I'm interested in at present.
...I just really want to write.
...I mean, I'm writing now, but I want to WRITE.

I have this dream of being some kind of renowned journalist up in an elite office in New York City. Let me write reviews of Broadway, let me write about politics, let me make satirical remarks about the government... Just let me WRITE.

I don't know when I got this immensely obsessed with the idea of being a writer, but I know that I've wanted to be published since I was in the 2nd grade. Wattpad really helped me with that, as I could publish stuff online, but I want to be legitimately published. Maybe a novel someday. Wouldn't that be fun? I think it would be.

AP Lit is teaching me little things about writing, in the realm of research. What my teacher doesn't realize though, is that I've written half a dozen A+ research papers. I'm not bragging. I'm really not. I just know how to do it because it's something that I like to do.

Hence Journalism.
Journalism is essentially opinionated research.
Aaaaaand I think we all know that I'm opinionated.
...Don't comment on that.

I apologize for my ranting, I just really needed to sit in front of my computer and write. My hands needed to feel the keys, and my heart needed to feel the words. Speaking of feeling words, my Theatre class is massively helping me regain the vocal strength that I had back in the 8th grade when I went to the All County Choruses that I auditioned into. (I also auditioned into All State Choir, but didn't get to go because some stuff came up with my teacher.)
Lol, but most people don't know that, so... Yeah.

~

I dunno.
I guess that I'm just working on me now.

I still have faith that God is directing my steps, even though these days it's been more doubt than belief. Sometimes we all just reach that point, and that's kind of where I am right now. You know?

& It has a lot to do with my specific church, but God also knows that it would take far more than one entry to address that.

My only opinion on all of that crap (because that's what it is right now, total crap) is that when we get politics out of our church, then we might actually be able to have church.

When we stop buying and selling in the church, Jesus will approve again.

When the snake is again cursed to silence and slithering, we will know true fellowship and unity in the church.

I don't mean the capital Church, I mean in my specific church.

But basically, as far as the capital Church...
When my Constitutional rights are easier to have faith in than the Bible, because I actually see one being exhibited and not the other, that's just sad.

One other thing, and then I'm done...

Just because you are old, does not make you an elder in the church. An elder of the church is defined by maturity in both actions and spirituality, which 85% of "old" people in this day in age lack. I guess you guys didn't get to have hell-raising days when you were my age, but geez. You guys make my generation look like Saints. But instead of throwing firecrackers into bathrooms, you prefer to set them off in churches.
No, but seriously. Stop stirring up trouble here. Pack your bags and move your sorry souls to Florida if all you're gonna do is cause destruction here. I mean, seriously. I hear it's hot in Florida, and I'm sure that some of you guys need to get used to the heat. ;)

#ShotsFired and I don't even care.

Stepping on toes is my specialty, just ask my dancing partners.

*smiles over-exaggeratedly and winks*

~

To my people, I love you guys!! Writing this made me feel so much better.
I shall return soon, hopefully...

BUT.
UNTIL THEN.

STAY WONDERFUL!

-Love Tori :)