@ 6.26.15, sincerely T.

Hi guys! 

I'm not writing this to offend, I'm writing this to get my thoughts down. 

Hope you guys get that, and I sincerely hope that no one is offended by anything I have to say here. 

I love you guys!

~

Yes, I am a Christian. 

Yes, I have LGBTQ+ identifying friends. 

So this whole subject has been rather...explosive...on my Facebook wall, if nowhere else. 

As I'm sure you have seen, as of June 26th, The Supreme Court of the USA declared that homosexual marriage is now legal in all 50 states. My Facebook is a mass of rainbows and the Confederate flag and quite frankly? I'm ready to deactivate and walk away for a little while. 

This controversy (yes, I am very well aware that it is a "law" now, but that doesn't undermine the fact that it is still a controversy, hence pre-revolutionary America) is one of my least favorites to talk about. Mostly because somebody always gets their feelings hurt over it. 

One of my closest friends is gay, another is demi, another is gender fluid, and so on and so forth. It isn't as small as it used to be, and it isn't a topic that needed to be brushed under the carpet any longer. 

My best friend makes this topic very difficult for me to choose a stance on. As a Christian, I know the standard that I am held to as a Christian. Reread that line if you need to before continuing on. 

As a Christian, I know the standard by which I am required to live. That is for me, and not particularly for anyone else. I have convictions about things, and I have opinions about things. I am very well aware of what the Bible says are right and wrong, and that's the way I was raised. 

Now, my First Amendment rights give me the freedom of religion and of speech. That means that I can post on Facebook anything that I personally believe, and that you have to respect what I have to say. It also means that you have the right to post and believe what you want to, and that I have to respect that. However, we aren't allowed to slander each other...which is pretty much what I see happening all over Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. 

I'm not going to condemn anyone for what they choose to believe, or how they choose to live their lives. It is, quite frankly, none of my business. 

I posted one status regarding the whole affair, and this is it:

"My opinion on yesterday. In case anyone cares to read it.

Removing someone off of your Facebook who uses their freedom of speech (also a Constitutional Right) to oppose homosexual marriage based on their own person belief (a Constitutional Right) and then badmouthing them for the exercise of that right (slander, against the Constitution) is your own ignorance. 

You want yesterday to commemorate freedom, yet all yesterday commemorates for me is watching all of my friends rip each other apart over something. 

We all have opinions. We are all entitled to that opinion. However, just because someone disagrees with you, doesn't give you the right to say that they are narrow-minded and ignorant. 

Many of you, on both sides of the argument, have posted ignorant hate messages regarding the Supreme Court's decision yesterday. 

Many of you speaking from verses that list multiple groups of people and the lack of them entering the Kingdom of God. 

Hop down off of your pedestal, please. Might I remind you that Jesus himself sat down to eat with sinners. He was judged by the Pharisees for this action. 

I have arguments for both sides of yesterday's decision. Strictly because I have friends that identify as LGBT, and because of the way I was raised. 

God's law says that yes, it's wrong. If you study up on it throughout lineage in the Bible (even if you're not a Christian, you might as well find out where all of us are coming from to better argue with us, right?) you'll find things you didn't know. 

Read the first few books of the Old Testament. Literally read them. There is sex, incest, homosexuality, and then incest and homosexuality AFTER Noah's Ark happened. 

Why are we as Christian's so obsessed with condemning people? Our go-to verse for salvation even says "For God so loved the WORLD..." The world. The sinners. Jesus himself said that he didn't come for the righteous. 

So. There's my two-cents about this whole thing. 

If love really won yesterday, then why is there so much hate? 

All sin is sin. We all do it. We all fall short. 

However. 

Don't condemn those falling a little more short than you in your opinion, and don't slander those who are upholding their own Constitutional Rights to say what they believe and the standards that they believe are required. 

I'm not picking a side on this. I know what is expected of me, but I also know that I am called to love people regardless. 

So there you go." 

That seems long and tedious, but it's exactly what I think about it all. 

And one more thing...

As a heterosexual female, I am allowed to be proud of how I identify and of who I love. I am allowed to take pride in those that I love, and I can talk about that pride as much as I very well please. People like to say that if you haven't been persecuted for who you love, that you don't get a say in the whole "pride" matter.

You obviously don't understand how much crap I've taken in my life. You don't understand that I have been laughed at for holding hands with a boy. I've been tormented for having crushes. I've watched my friends date people that I have my heart set on being with. I've been called names by boys that are inexcusable and that I won't repeat on here. 

I have had teachers question my sexuality, and think that a girl like me (because I'm not big into the makeup thing unless I'm fond of someone in the general vicinity of my presence) has to be a lesbian because of how I dress and carry myself. 

You do not understand how much it hurts for someone to ask me if I'm gay, especially in a classroom setting. Not because being called gay is a bad thing, but because I feel like they are undermining my ability to be a straight female because I'm not all over a bunch of guys. It embarrasses me for my classmates to sit and giggle at what the teacher just said, because she's probably right because it's Tori. 

Yes, I realize that spending the majority of my time playing video games and watching YouTube isn't exactly the most girlie thing in the world. 

I know that my band t-shirts and my regular jeans send off the huge lesbian message, or at least that's what I've been told by people. 

This isn't something that I've shared with very many people. 

Most people probably think that only boys get called gay, but that is so not even the case.

So please, don't tell me or my friends that we haven't been persecuted for being with someone. A lot of us have been repeatedly judged, bullied, laughed at, mocked, and everything else for being straight. 

~

To set the record straight (no pun intended) I am straight. I like boys, and am particularly fond of a couple at the moment. 

Oh, I've never been asked out on a date either. (Call me lame, go for it, I really don't care at this point.)

Yeah, I've "dated" I guess. A couple of pretty awesome guys. 

But to really be asked out and taken out? Nah, not really. 

This isn't a pity party, though. I don't do pity parties.

I know that the right guy will come along someday, and I've got music and YouTube to keep me going until Prince Charming shows up. :) 

~

Anyways, I love you guys! I'm at 1.5k right now, so 500 more reads will put me at 2k and I am so excited about it. 

Also! I have a job at this camp this summer being their "scribe." It's kind of like being an on-deck journalist for the camp, and is definitely a God thing. I am so excited. I shall tell you guys all about it afterwards, and link you to any of my work that is posted on the official site. (I'm also a photographer, so I'll link that stuff too.)

Until we talk again, I hope that you guys have a good next few weeks! 

-Tori <3

Every Ending is Just...

A new beginning. 

Hey guys... 
This post is more exclusively for my local friends who know me in person. 
It's definitely pertinent to the title. 
So fasten your seatbelts, here we go. 

With the exception of a handful of people (a couple of my peers, a teacher, and my family), no one knows this. 

Before I go any further, I just want to tell you how this post began. It began in the back of my trig notebook in May, because I needed to get my thoughts together before I told people. I wrote a lot of it, if not all of it, before I pulled out my iPad to do a final draft. Far before anything was finalized. So by the time you get read this, it was probably written more than a week ago your time. 

So here goes everything I've got. 

As most of you know, I've been acting weird here lately. My closer friends have definitely noticed this, because they've questioned me on both my behavior and my well-being. Sorry to have worried you guys. I promise I'm alright. I legit didn't mean to freak you guys out. But you guys have all been asking why I've been so secretive and reserved here recently... So here's my answer to your big "why." 

This next school year, we'll all be turning our tassels. 
The Class of 2016 will graduate next spring, and I've no doubt that it will be all sorts of fabulous. 
However...
I won't be graduating with who you think I am. 

Next year, I'll be turning my tassel as a flying eagle at WWHS. 
Not at SSHS as a tiger. 

I know that a lot of you will feel personally victimized by this immediately. Don't. This isn't about you. This is for me. This is my first step, a HUGE step, in the direction that makes me feel like me again. I know in my heart, soul, spirit, and mind that it's the right thing to do. 

Before any of you pick up your phones to beg me to stay...
The paperwork is finished. There's no going back.

I didn't, 
I couldn't, 
tell you guys everything. 

I knew that some of you would run your mouths, and that some of you would try to convince me to stay. 
I'm not staying, guys. 

The people that know have heard me talk anxiously about this decision. They know how tedious it has been for me. But all of them have been super supportive, and are making me look forward to my senior year even more. 

Now, the why behind the why. 

Simple. 

A lot of my new friends, and way old friends, go to Woodrow. 

I began school with this fantastic group of people, literally I wish I could sit and personally share all of the stories with you guys. These people were who shaped me, my identity, and the fragments that became my personality. 
Mom said I was shy back then, but now I'm this extroverted young woman with a fire underneath her and a passion. 

I just feel deep in my heart, that I need to begin with who I started with. 
I need a newfound sense of normalcy. 
I need an atmosphere where I can grow, and not be held back in fear of what everyone says I can't (or what they refuse to allow me to) do. 

This decision was not made overnight. In fact, I changed my mind over and over again. Finally, I just started asking some of my friends that go there what it's like. When they told me, it didn't even become a question of whether or not I was going to pursue attending school there. It just fell into place in my brain. 

I feel like a different person now, actually. 
No. I just feel like I used to. 

I have an air about me that will not be diminished or destroyed by the petty people that I currently attend school with. I know that people are going to give me trouble about my abrupt transfer, but... That's perfectly fine with me. At this school, I have dealt with far worse. I just have incredibly high hopes about next year. 

Academically, I want to soar again. 
Theatrically, I want to make a scene again 
Personally? I just wanna make friends again. 

So. This is just my first step. 
Actually, this post is more like Step 3. 
(With Steps 1&2 being the decision and then the necessary paperwork.)

Now. I'm making a game out of this because I guess that I'm a sick person, but I know that people are gonna talk. 
I have explained all of my reasoning here. Nothing here is more than I've told anyone else. All of you have the truth, the full story. So don't go starting stuff. Please & thank you. 

I know some of you are gonna be uber ticked off at me for this. I can accept that. You know where to find me when you quit pouting. 

Thank you all so much for understanding. 
I love you all to infinity and beyond! 
(Even those of you who get on my nerves..) 

-Tori(: