iMissYou

I have a strange obsession with Apple products.

A lot of people, including some very near to my heart, sometimes roll their eyes at me because of my odd fascination with Apple and their whole slough of massively simple products.

I guess I have my grandad to blame for that one.

At the beginning of this first semester of college, I was refunded a large sum of money because of scholarships and whatnot. (Do well in  school, kids! It pays off big time!) Anyways, I had managed to talk myself out of buying a MacBook. I had contemplated financing one earlier in high school, but constantly talked myself out of it for obvious reasons. I don't often have that much money at my disposal, so I just shoved the idea from my mind.

Well, when Concord told me how much I'd be receiving back, I started crying. My family hasn't always been, you know, well off. I was raised differently than a lot of my peers, at least in the sense that I learned how to operate very well on a budget.

The process that Concord uses to return credit to you takes a week. After your classes start, you are allowed a portion of your financial aid money to purchase books, notebooks, planners, etc. You have to wait until the end of the first wake for them to send you your check/credit.

I remember when mine went onto my card; I screamed. Like literally- you can ask my mom. It was the most insane moment of my life thus far.

That night, I hopped onto Apple.com and went to their education store.
(In case you didn't know- they offer discounts and special offers for students. It brings the prices of some of their products down drastically. Purchasing from them brought me massive satisfaction. I recommend it to anyone getting a computer for high school or college.)

I remember not wanting a MacBook Pro, or a traditional silver MacBook. I like to be different.
I have also had this strong hatred of anything even remotely pink for most of my life. Which has completely changed within the last two months. I am obsessed with rose gold. So I got on their website and joyfully purchased myself a MacBook.

When it came in the mail, my brother signed for it and my entire family woke me up to bring it to me. I screamed again. (If y'all haven't realized it yet- that's one of my signature character traits. I tend to verbally exclaim when awesome things happen.)

Several people gave me crap for buying Apple products, and for spending so much money. Basically I got the, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD DO WITH THAT MUCH FREAKING MONEY?!" speech from 4-5 people.

Yeah, believe me, I do. I promise that a great portion of my financial aid money went to things that you'd never imagine spending yours on. Those are too personal to share at the moment, but just trust me. While you guys splurged on fancy notebooks and online planners, I was using my money for other things. Not all of them were like, I use the word bad lightly here, bad. Just some of them went to greater causes than myself.

Getting back on topic, I am obsessed with this weightless little computer. It is shiny, pink, fast, and oh-so easy to type on. It's very quick and efficient for me to do assignments on, as a solid 75% of my schoolwork involves writing papers.

I just know that this computer ties me to my grandad. My obsession with Apple, iPhones, the way that Mac works just brings me a peace of mind. (However, the iPhone 7 looks... Weird. Bring back the headphone jack, Apple. Do you even know how many pairs of headphones I go through a year?) 

When my grandparents were living they spoiled me. Have no doubt about that one. I got an iPhone, an iPod Touch (two actually), the original iPods, a fancy bike, toys when I was younger, a trip to New York, etc. I was basically one of the most spoiled people in my entire family. Yes, I'm gloating just a lil bit. I was, as the people in my family who detested this kind of favorable treatment, the princess. The only granddaughter.

And I loved every flipping moment of it.

So when I unboxed my MacBook, and held it, and set it up-
I could just see my grandad's face in my mind.

If he could have been present for that moment, he would have been damn proud of how hard I worked to get what I got in scholarships and whatnot. (Sorry mom- you know in the spirit of Grandad, I have to use that word.) He would have been more proud that I am an Apple person and not a Windows person. We both shared a hatred of Windows, and I'm not sure why.

I didn't know that my grandad was tech savvy until around two months before he passed away. He sat and told me about how much he used to love working on radios. Apparently, when he entered the Air Force, that's what he did. He worked on technology. My grandad was incredibly smart and no one bothered to let me in on that until well near the end of his life. 

This is a man that I loved with everything in my heart. He spoiled me rotten, and rightfully so. 

It brings me joy to write this post, on my rose gold MacBook. 

As I finish the editing process of this post, I am sitting in his old chair at the head of our dining room table. I can see all of the kitchen, into the next room, and a hallway to my right. I am plunking my fingers around on the skillfully designed MacBook keyboard, my "1" key is sticking a little bit, and the house smells of wonderful food. 

Sitting, remembering... Not pining for those lost, but instead pining for the hum of an oxygen machine and of chiding remarks. 

I miss him a lot sometimes, and since I'm working on an essay for my English class regarding the grieving process, I thought that I would take some time to revisit him. Visiting him in my head is often very fun. I remember fond things while I try to suppress the bad things. 

Everyone knows that I miss him the most. He was the grandparent I adored the most, and as the year nears cold winter months, I am filled with a melancholy reminiscent sense about myself. The house will soon consist of candy, pumpkin flavored things, eventually a turkey, and a Christmas tree. This year, instead of disdaining those things that have in the past years brought me so much grief, I am using the feelings to remember him. 

The last time I hugged my grandad, I was around three inches shorter and I was retrieving him so that we could all sit down to dinner. I heavily opposed the "kids table," because sitting with my younger cousins just no longer suited me or my demeanor. Anyways, I went and told him to come eat, and on the way to the table he gave me the grand kind of hug that only he could. 

Many of my cousins and extended family members remember him as a callous old man with nothing good to live for, but my eternal memory of him balances on the memory of my final hug. 

So as I edit this post from his chair, I am smiling. I'm excited for the things in the future, and happy that I have come to terms with the pain of the last couple of years. Eagerly now, I await Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I am so ready for people, food, and songs of celebration. 

And I am especially grateful for my computer. 

I'm ready to embrace the holiday season with open arms, just as I last had the honor to hug my grandad.