#adulting

I am dedicating this new series on my blog to myself and my boyfriend, as we seem to be coping with adulthood rather than, you know, exploring and stuff that other people our age say they're doing. Instead, we are working, and college-ing, and trying to get through life. 

This is gonna be an ongoing thing, just to let y'all know. I need a place to rant about what being an adult is like. It's gotten to that place where 18 is no longer cutesy and adventurous. It's turning into this never ending cycle of insomnia, crying, and writing papers 25 minutes before class. I really hope that some of you guys get something out of this, even if it is just a laugh. 

~

To begin this exciting first post of mine about adulthood, let's talk about school. 
College, that seemed so easy to me a month ago, now seems like this big foreign [expensive] concept that I want to maintain, but like, it's hard. Exams are not easy things. My English class is the easiest, only because writing is my strong suit, but like, I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore.
It just seems really stupid to me that I'm paying thousands of dollars to do something and be something that I'm already doing...? 
Like, I consider myself a freelance journalist already. (Judge me.) Mostly because, even though I don't often, I have the means to research and be well-informed and write about said informed things. 
But here, on my OnlyMeJustT blog, I happily write about life and my struggles. Quite frankly, I'm doing something right, because people haven't stopped reading yet. Thank you for staying here. Strands of my hair aren't even staying at this point, throughout the stress and ranting. 
Anyways, the point of all of that is, I know how to write and research and write some more. This place though, is my sanctuary and my "safe-space." It's where I can be me, to unapologetic degrees, and talk about nothing and everything and just reach out to people who might be going through the same thing. I don't need all of those other childish things that some of my peers need to calm down. I just need financial stability, and a place to write down my never ending inner monologues. 

Going to college has become more of a chore than an experience, to be really honest with you guys. I drag myself to class, attempt to learn something, and then leave feeling stressed out about whatever assignment is due next. (If anyone has any assignment-anxiety reducing  exercises to do, I'm open to anything. Even if it requires binge eating avocados or sleeping for 10 days on a bed of nails. I'm honestly to the point of trying anything.)

I have outdone myself here recently, though. My last English 101 essay had to be reduced in page numbers because I tend to write too much. (This is not bragging. This is a cry for help. How do I say things in short amount of words? I need to have run-on sentences and thoughts. Don't try to kill my inner stream of thought, dude.) Aside from that, I did a book report in another class, without reading the book, and got an almost perfect score on it. No; I didn't plagiarize. Plagiarism is disgusting, and one of the 7-deadly-writer-sins. You don't do it and then expect people to believe your words someday. It doesn't work like that. 

Anyways, I did a painting for my art class and loved the process of that. When I receive it back, I will most definitely post pictures and stuff. It's a remake of an Andy Warhol piece. I really love it. 

Tonights dilemma is the fact that I missed an exam in an online course. To begin, I am not a slacker. I put my best foot forward in everything that I do. I did not pay $80 for an online textbook because I wanted to do so. I did not ask for an online class- I, obviously, am not self-motivated enough to handle one at the moment. But, you know, I dealt with it. 
and missed
my final 
exam. 
:-) 
Needless to say, I emailed my prof and we shall see how that goes. If not, well, sorry. I tried. I'll try harder again next time. 
But no more online classes. Ever again. Nope. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Done with that. 

Aside from that, in two days I will be done for the semester, and I will be ready to face next semester head on. I know that I'm not the first, nor the last, college student to feel like this is the end of the world and that I might as well dye my hair purple and move to Alaska. (Believe me, I am trying incredibly hard to not pull a Britney Spears from 2007. I don't want my effort to be in vain. Also, it's taken me too long to regrow my hair from a haircut much less a midlife crisis that requires head shaving. That takes too much effort.)

~

Oh, and you know, I work 40+ hours a week now. Even though I love my job, coworkers, and general work environment, I am trying to adjust to the lack of sleep that a person gets when they are constantly learning new information  

See, at work, training lasts 6(ish) weeks and is extensive. You have to memorize a lot of techniques and methods, and my learning style tends to be different from that of other people. I pick up on things fast, but if you review over and over, I will eventually reach a crashing point and start forgetting all of the things that I was well trained on. 

Today (yesterday?), I just, couldn't do it. The day that I am talking about in this post, should anyone ask me in the future, is December 7th, 2016. Those of you know me know that there are three days a year that are exceedingly difficult to me to deal with, and all of them regard the deaths of some dear people in my life. So last night, after a rough time at work, I decided to take the day off because I didn't need to have an emotional breakdown. 

Mind you, I am not a weak person. But, at this time of the year, I am more sensitive to the unkind words, gestures, and expressions of other people- and I could not do today. 

I will be back in full swing tomorrow, ready to conquer whatever is ahead of me. 

Oh. I also filled out health insurance and life insurance paperwork. 
Fear me, for I am the adult. 
Lol, but seriously, my mom had to help me do it. Not even going to lie. That stuff is insanely expensive and insanely confusing. I hope I did it right. 
(Also, side note, I learned what a deductible is throughout that process.)

~

To conclude, I just want to tell all of my younger pals that cannot wait to be adults-
WAIT. 

I am not saying to enjoy every moment, blah blah blah, cliche encouragement, etc. etc. 
I'm just saying- be thankful that you aren't filing taxes and signing up for healthcare all by yourself yet. Enjoy your free education the best that you can, because I promise, you feel a lot worse doing bad on a test when you pay for a class than you do when it's free and public. 

I shall talk to you guys again soon. 
I know that I'll need to rant about newfound hardships again soon enough. 

:)